Kids, competition for the cherios, or source thereof

My sister just started posting some stuff on her own, so now I have a willing victim who gets to have there life talked about in conjunction with mine. My wife is the greatest, but she's not nearly the extrovert that I am (she'd just as soon that I leave her out of my storytime, kinda the heavenly mother type) Luckily, Katie is.
My sister has to be one of my favorite people in the world. the truth is I think she is basically perfect. Ya, a little rough around the edges sometimes, but that just adds to the product. Personality-wise she's probably the most like me of all my siblings. Trust me, there are too many of us for you to run all the comparisons. Anyway, as if making a statement that she needed trials, the lord gave her...Kimber.
Kimber is my niece, who I love, at least I thought I did untill one fateful January 1st. We were getting along so well. We both love cars, Nogales, bacon, you get it, we realy clicked man. And then I discovered that the age old truth that I have always known apllies even to these little girls. All women have the capacity for great evil.
We all went out to my uncles place for new years eve. We had dinner and watched one of the world's coolest movies (Dust to Glory, go rent it). One of the aspects that makes this movie neat for us is that my uncle (basically one of my Heroes) had raced in the Baja 1000 several times and was familiar with most of the main charecters, having been a contemporary. He was pretty modest, "I only finished top ten..." Dude, your cool, you don't have to go any further. Anyway, it was all copacetic until bedtime.
My wife and I settled into some sleeping bags down by my uncles pool table, leaving Kate and her husband the spare bedroom next to us. Ah sleep, so good...but...what's this! I shot from the bed, 20 minutes after falling asleep, there was a terrible noise next door. Someone was trying to kill my niece, she was screaming, wheezing. I lept from my bed, in my totaly sweet NASCAR jamies, pulled one of the many rifles off the wall, and jumped to the next room ready to cut some stupid fool down. You don't mess with a Cole,..er an Anderson...well at least with some of the Coles/Andersons, cuz you are opening a can of "maybe I'll whoop your a-- if I'm bigger than you/have a gun." Imagine my shock when entering the room the animal attacking my niece was an Elmo. He wasn't even moving. "What the heck?" was all I could say. "Sorry" said Katie, "I think she's just sleeping in a different place." Realy, where, the 7th circle of hell?
We went back to sleep, ah, sleep, of course until 3 a.m. when the whole cycle repeated. This time I knew how to fix the problem. Kids love nothing more than spending time with "uncle Nephi". Against my sister's advice I said, "no, no, she can hang out here with us." Upon returning to the sleeping bags I found that my wife was missing. She had decided that the garage was much quieter than the basement, and had dragged her stuff out there where she was now curled in the fetal position trying to stay warm and sleep. No big deal, I got this kid thing handled. She was quiet. Of course she was punching me in the face and pulling my hair, but she was quiet. Well, a guy can only take so much. I returned her to her parents, upon which time she promptly began to wail, picked up my gear, and made my way to the garage.
The next morning I went in and she was there at the breakfast table smiling. I looked at her and said softly, "you look like an angel, but you're realy eeeeeevil...like the Devil..."
Someday I'll get my payback. Oh yes, there will come a time when Katie will want to sleep, and I will make sure that my offspring are there.........either that or I'll get a Basset Hound.